You jokes

What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?

Artistic.

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

What's the difference between a girl and a toy? There is no difference because you play with both anyway.

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

What do you call all down syndromes?

Twins.

What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?

Cinco De Mayo.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

He: "Do you smoke after sex?"

She: "I don't know. I've never looked."

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse. Will you help Jack off a horse?

What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud.

When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.

His boss gave him some projects to work on, but he failed at it.

His boss told him: "You suck."

And he started sucking his boss, after he was done.

His boss told him: "You suck for life!"

XD

What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."

You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.

When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"

What do you call a sick eagle?

Ill-eagle! 😂

Mom: Daddy, stop!

Me: No!

Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.

"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)