You jokes
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? Thatβs cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Memes
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."
How do you organize a space themed birthday party?
You planet.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU...
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
What do you call a sandwich π₯ͺ full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! π
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.