You jokes

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Yo mum." "Yo mum who?" "Yo mum is watching you wank right now."

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

You're cheap; no one even pays attention.

How do you organize a space themed birthday party?

You planet.

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

When you are going back to where you live from a place that is a time zone behind where you live:

"Looks like I am going back to the future!"

What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.

What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?

Someone: Ugly?

Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.

Boobs are like batteries...

AA will get the job done...

C is bigger than AA...

D is bigger that C...

...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!

"You are under arrest for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!"

"Wait! I can explain everything!"

You know why orphans can't play baseball? 'Cause they can't find home.