You jokes
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
Did you know there are black holes billions of years old?
What’s more amazing is the black holes Stephen Hawking studied. We're only 14 years old.
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalffeinated.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have any Windows.