You jokes
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
When you're 34, it'll be 420 months before you turn 69 years old.
Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
You are so ugly, Hello Kitty said goodbye.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Glock 46.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.