You jokes
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
When you meet your gf at the family reunion.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Memes
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A family portrait.
Gwen, why are you so nice?
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would be a lifetime supply.
"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
YOU HAVE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WAITING FOR YOU...
What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?
Dam fools.
How do you make Stephen Hawking mad?
You turn off the WiFi router.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.