You jokes
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
What do you call an atheist bone? -- A blasfemur.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Memes
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Answer: Your mom.
How can you tell that a website was made by an orphan?
It doesn’t have a home page.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)
One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A meowtain.
"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"
In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.
What song does Saturn sing?
"If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers