You jokes
Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!
Is Google a male or female?
Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"
Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.
A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I don't know if you heard it, but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I can't tell if it is metal or techno, but it is more valuable than joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
joe: Are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.
joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What do you call a sad coffee?
Despesso.
What do you call a deaf animal?
Anything, it can't hear you.
When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.
Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest