You jokes

What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?

You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

What do you call a boy Panera Bread?

Panera Balls.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Do you know Imagine Dragons? Imagine dragon these nuts across your face!

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

How do you blind an Irish woman?

You put a bottle of Scotch in front of her.

How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?

They only have a back door.

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

"Nice tits, bitch."

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?

What do you call a digital hamburger? Processed meat.