You jokes

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.

what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?

Niagra falls

Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.

Obv, unless you share your residence.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

What do you call terrorists in a wheelchair?

An RCXD.

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

Q.) What do you call an orphan's family tree?

A.) A family stump.

Why can't people in wheelchairs be gay? Cuz you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

What do you call an orphan? No home-o.

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"

Me: power button.

I asked the gym instructor,

"Can you teach me to do the splits?"

"How flexible are you?" he asked.

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!