You jokes
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.
Memes
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?
Black ops.
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.