You jokes

Did you know penguins can actually fly if thrown hard enough... Just like children.

Why is vegetable soup hard to cook? Because you can't fit the wheelchair in!

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's? You can hide your own Easter eggs!!

what do you call a drunken sailer?

arrested.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is Google a male or female?

Female because it doesn’t let you finish your sentences before making a suggestion.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

'Whodya nikabollokov'

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

Wanna hear a funny joke? Well, that was why you were here... Here's the joke: Your life :)

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

Sans: Zzzzzzzz

Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it dude?

Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

Papyus: Grrrrr....

Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.

Q: How do you make a door cry?

A: Twist its knob.

What do you call a frozen communist?

Hammer and popsicle.

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"