Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
You Jokes
What do you call a FAT Man under 5'9"?
A JUMBO shrimp.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!
My mom tells me and my sister to stop fighting. "Mom! You and Dad need to stop!"
I see you guys have SANS-ational jokes!
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
What do you call a Pirate Pokemon?
Arrrrrr-ceus!
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
