You jokes

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?

Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.

What do you do when a woman is choking?

Back up a couple inches.

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.

What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.

How is slavery different from Pokémon?

The types you can have.

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity.

what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?

Oppenheimer

What do women and KFC have in common?

After you get done with the thighs and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

Your hair is so far back, you left it at your last address.

Guy: "Can I tell you a joke?"

Spiderman: "Yes."

Guy: "You only have 11 months on your calendar."

Spiderman: "Why?"

Guy: *holds up knife* "Because I murdered May."

How do you get a boy to share something? Bring in Michael Jackson's bed.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

What do you call a transgender person? Nintendo Switch.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.