You jokes
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
Funny Test Answers #6
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?
An escapea.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”