You jokes

Son: Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!

Mom: Exactly!

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?

Vegetable Soup.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?

A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.