You jokes

You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣

That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.

How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.

How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?

Vegetable Soup.

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?

Answer: Chi-ca-go

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.