You jokes

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?

Vegetable Soup.

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?

A small medium at large.

If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."

An apple a day keeps a doctor away... at least if you throw it hard enough.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Why do you call a man that is physically handicapped and German?

A physically handicapped bisexual man that is promiscuous and German.

What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

I wonder where the bodies are?

Man asking waitress, "Pardon me, miss, may I ask you about the menu, please?"

Waitress, "It's none of your business about the men I please!"

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him, "Hey man, what the hell you doing?"

Blind guy says, "Just looking around."