You jokes
I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn't read that number and you didn't notice that I put a letter in it. No, I didn't, but you went back and looked, didn't you?
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
Spooktober meme!!!
I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
3/7 of a chicken, 2/3 cat, 1/2 goat. What do you get when you cross those?
Answer: Chi-ca-go
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
How do you get 4 gay guys on a bar stool? You turn it upside down.
How do you get them back off again? You jerk them off.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
What do you call a psychic midget in trouble with the law?
A small medium at large.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."