You jokes

Why do you stink?

Because you haven't showered, tu, perro.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

If your name is Caleb or Connor, you have a problem.

What do you call a blind German?

A nat-zee.

Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.

What can you do if you have a rotten piece of candy?

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

“Are you still holding the ladder??”

"Wanna hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"You SURE will be glad when this dad joke's over."

"That was pretty DAD!"

Good morning, Gwen, how are you?

If you eat pussy, and if you are what you eat, does that mean eating pussy makes you a pussy?

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?

Parallel Parkinson's.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

You're so short that you build a tiny house for yourself.

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

Are you a Chipotle bowl? Because I wanna eat you out.

I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.