Shed jokes

What do you call a house with dog hair?

A shed.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

Q: What do you call a shed full of black fellas?

A: Retired Farming Machinery.

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

I just shed my pants.

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1. A castle weighs a ton. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The Queen of England's won! I never thought she'd get it done, but her sister is a nun.

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say, "Knock knock." We’d say, "Who’s there?" Then she’d say, "I can’t remember"... and start to cry."

Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!

Me: But Billy's with her right now.

Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM

Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

Bunger got me like:

😂 Face with Tears of Joy Emoji - Emojipedia https://emojipedia.org › face-with-tears-of-joy A yellow face with a big grin, uplifted eyebrows, and smiling eyes, each shedding a tear from laughing so hard. Widely used to show something is funny or...

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."