You jokes

Peter: Curses!

Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Peter: *Crying*

Jacob: Why are you crying?

Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Kick the chair out from under them.

What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?

Wasted.

What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?

They both be flying??

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.

What do you call a body without a nose?

Nobody knows.

What do you call it when an Astartes cum's... torrential downfall?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

QoS.

QoS who?

QoS there me me who me and you.

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

What do you call an orphan's family photo?

A selfie.

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.

Why did they put the Petronas towers? Eh, you do you.

What do you call a man in love with an emo?

I really don't know.

Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.

Have you seen the Justin meme?

Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?

Just-in time for deez nuts.

Bruh.

But actually, it's a parody.

Wait, actually?

Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.