You jokes

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come back.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Do you know what Fortnite was like before season 2 chapter 3? They put the Foundation / The Rock in the water where aliens were that season.

Have you ever heard of hearing aids?

Yeah, me neither.

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

So there is someone who doesn't know what an armadillo is.

He then sees one. He asks it a question, "What are you?"

The armadillo replies, "Armadillo."

The person says: "What's a dilo?"

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?

Ground beef.

What do you call a sleeping cow?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?

Ground beef.

What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?