What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
You Jokes
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?
A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.
What do you get when you throw a pebble into the ocean?
A wet pebble.
If water makes you laugh, then jokes make you pee.
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
Are you from Tennessee, because I eat ass.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Us three get along well. I guess you could say we're the TREE-o!
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
How long are you? I
You know what a big ass is. If I told you it's a fake ass, so I'm lesbo.
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
Have you ever stepped into Steven Hawking's House?
Neither has he.
You. You're the joke.
Where do you go when Steve Hawkins dies?
Microsoft.
What do you call a drivable Hamburger?
What?
A Hamborgini.