You jokes

What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?

Panera Bread.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.

😐😑

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?

Take a flute and shove it up your ass.

what do you call a white person having a seizure?

a vanilla shake.

A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?

What do you call a redneck on fire?

A fire cracker.

A programmer and his wife.

She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

He replies, "They had eggs."

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.