You jokes

So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?

... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Oh, neither did he.

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.

How do you punish a blind guy?

You leave a plunger in the toilet.

Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!

Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?

I’m gay.

Did you hear about the new sex doll they've invented for Muslims?

It blows itself up!!

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”

What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?

Panera Bread.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.