You jokes

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.

😐😑

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.

"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"

The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"

A programmer and his wife.

She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."

After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.

The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"

He replies, "They had eggs."