You jokes
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?
Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?
I’m gay.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”