You jokes
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
Memes
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.
"Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"
The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"
A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
what do you call a white person having a seizure?
a vanilla shake.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."