You jokes
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?
Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.