You jokes

My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?

Panera Bread.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.

😐😑

Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?

Mom: No.

Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

Q: How many children does it take to shingle a roof?

A: Depends on how thinly you slice them.

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"