You jokes

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

Oh, neither did he.

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

You're so ugly the whole world faked a virus just so you could wear a mask.

The depressed kid getting bullied.

The bully: "You are useless."

The depressed kid: "I know."

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehead.

When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?

Dribble.

How do you punish a blind guy?

You leave a plunger in the toilet.

Roses are red. Violets are too. You better run, I’m following you!

Google is a woman because it doesn’t let you finish a sentence before it makes suggestions.

What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?

Lim Ping.

Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.

Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"