You jokes
I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide Squad!
Quiet kid: "I'm home!"
Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"
Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
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You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
What do you call an autistic kid who just saw Transformers? Autistimus Prime.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮
B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.