Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
You Jokes
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
What do you call it when Panera Bread has bread?
Panera Bread.
I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."
What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?
Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?
When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.
When Santa asks you what you want for Christmas, then says "ho ho ho," say, "Yes, please."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
