My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
You Jokes
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
Him: I work with animals all day.
Her: Awwww what do you do?
Him: I'm a pornstar.
How do you make a handkerchief dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull dozer.
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
What did the ankle say to the doorman?
You are a nonsense.
How can you tell if Google is a girl?
It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.
Did you know why they added Alexa for Stephen Hawking?
Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?