8008135 is my favorite number.
The worst ratio is 6:9.
And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
Person you don't know, my name.
Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.
Have you walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
Oh, neither did he.
What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?
A big Mexican woman.
I mean I'd tell you a joke about the pizza I ate, but it's just too cheesy.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
What do you call a three humped camel?
A prostitute from New York.
If you hate America, I don't like you :)
How do you make Indians explode? Press the red button.
What do you call a burning church?
Holy smokes.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"