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Yesterday I asked my friend “ What is a fish without eyes”
They replied “I don’t know” I said “ fsh “

MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, “PEDOPHILE! THAT’S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD.”

I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.

i told my friend an egg joke yesterday he thought it was eggcelent.

“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday. Me; "Are you ok sir?" Midget; "Well, I’m not happy." Me; Well, which one are ya?

I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, its terrible.

I tried to catch fog yesterday…

Mist

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now. But the vet charged me six quid.

2 fe male mouse met and one spoke yesterday I met a mouse he was black and he had wings and he had some cool sharp teeth he said he only at night

other mouse : ummm…thats a bat

that asshole he told me that he is a pilot

how bad is explosive diarrhea when a muslim has it? Because my chipotle blew up yesterday.

Yesterday I made food using oil- Olive oil (I love oil)

Why cant you fool an aborted fetus Because it wasn’t born yesterday

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday 🤭

Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday…

one day there were these 3 cow boys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures well the first cow boy said i tangled with a bull that killed 6 people so i wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands the second cow boy said that’s nothing yesterday i was walking on a trale and came across a rattler so i picked it up ,bit its head off and drank all his venom in one gulp the third cow boy remained quiet stering the embers of the fire with his p....

I went to the shops yesterday, I bought roast chicken, eggs and duck. The cashier read $45.99 it was an eggcelent price.

Kid -dad I want santa to give me iphone Indian poor dad- son santa is deaf Kid-no he is not I saw him on Tv yesterday Indian poor dad-oh actually I asked him to for a new wife may be he is wearing AirPods Kid-you are my santa daddy Indian poor dad- pull down you pants son Kid-it’s not apple product Indian poor dad -its banana

I was born yesterday and I walked down memory lane, I fell over the edge

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday