I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had I said “yes”
WELCOME TO THE FAST FOOD DIVORCE CENTER WHERE YESTERDAYS LIES ARE TODAYS FRIES
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday. Not a soul in sight.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, "PEDOPHILE! THAT'S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD."
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion where yesterday’s lost is today’s sauce
i bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday- i dont know what he laced them with but i was trippen all day
I overdosed on viagra yesterday, It was the hardest day of my life
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday, I chose the dog
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery but toady is a gift that is why it I called the present.
yesterday i was asked where my parents are i said getting milk
I live next to a kindergarten and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, its terrible.
My Father touched me yesterday i called him a priest
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I saw a monkey yesterday
And thought it was you
If someone calls you, reply with this “Hi this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?
yesterday i tickled my granddaughters feet she is being born in 2 months
if someone calls you just say this is peters abortion clinic and pizza restaurant were yesterdays loss is today's sauce
I broke my arm yesterday, my bro said it is Arm-mageddon. And I still don’t know why.
