My Crush: I cut 4 inches of my hair yesterday Me: So? My Crush 4 Inches is alot! Me: Oh yeah?
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Broke my toenail yesterday, I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realised they didn't fit me around the waist so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waist of time.
yesterday i saw a "womans rights" book in the library so i put it in the fiction section and got kicked out
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike. Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would out and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle. It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday Friend: What were the tests about? Me: Japan
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I was making vegetable soup yesterday but the wheelchair wouldnât fit
I work in a garage and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said,"why wont my car go straight
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down
They told me throwing babies was bad but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination". I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
Someone butt dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what itâs like to be Wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They donât know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphanâs family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter âfâ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphanâs least favorite song? We are Family.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite tv show? Family Guy.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite type of music? House.
Next: Inappropriate Jokes
Whatâs an orphanâs least favorite store? Home Depot.
Whatâs an orphanâs favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms
What beer do orphans drink? Fosterâs.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because itâs the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
An Orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday, i said "Don't you have a family?"
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had I said âyesâ
