By using this site, you agree to its use of cookies. Read more

Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, “Just for that you don’t get any butter for a month.”

Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, “Nice try.”

I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The gaurd charged me with…mer-der

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed a politician in the jungle yesterday?

I hear it hurt like hell

I’ve had the best butterfingers, yesterday. - I dropped it.

I live next to a kindergarten and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it’s me who has a drill around little children.

I broke the sink yesterday the handle just blew right off! my dad was so mad he blew his stack!

“was lost in the woods yesterday,”

“i was in some sticky situation…”

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday…lets just say i quit my job as a butcher

Yesterday, I saw an advert with random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful. And then I said “Except the fat people.” And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

Yesterday a 5-year-old dyslexic boy almost saved his mother from drowning, but he kept dialing 119…

I fell down yesterday

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now. But the vet charged me six quid.

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive

Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with downs syndrome yesterday you should try watch it on catch up… Watership Downs