Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?
No?
Well neither did she.
Any 8 year old: Sus!
Me: Jake, we're at a funeral!
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
POV: You are 7 years old and you find a stick. SWORD.
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
Your forehead is so big, it takes the sun a year to shine on every part of it.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
Me: What's the fifth month of the year?
Friend: May.
Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
You're walking one day and a little kid, about 5-6 years old, comes up to you asking, "What's a condom?" You have to give that child the wrong answer, what would you tell them? Comment on what you would tell them.
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
