Year jokes
Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!
People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation...
Guys, it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years.
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
Why is Black History Month the shortest month of the year?
What does Michael Jackson like about 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!
anyone else change
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"
Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
Just before lockdown began, a woman took her 15-year-old son, Tom, and 14, 16, and 18-year-old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family Zoom call went well enough...until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14-year-old was looking a little...plump. By the 20th week, the 16-year-old's shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18-year-old's belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14-year-old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he'd talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
"Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I'm not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don't have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?"
"No, Pop, we haven't seen anyone since we left the city," his son told him earnestly. "And we sure haven't gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!"
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
I like my women how I like my wine. 14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.