Work jokes

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.

Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.

I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)

The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute?

Because they want to call someone "daddy."

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

There was once a dark room with a dark light and a terrible electrician.

Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.

Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.