Work jokes

Imagine working at the World Trade Center, only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place.

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.

The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"

When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

What is burned dark and glued to the wall?

A bad electrician.

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.

I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."

Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!

I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.