When you're working in the twin towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi
So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says "tell ya what, spell out "lad" in salad" she spells L A D, Johnny replies "spell "rot" in carrot" she spells R O T, Johnny says "now spell "fuck" in vegetables or fruits" she says "there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits" Johnny exclaims "thats what ive been trying to tell you!"
at a date : he: i work with animals everyday me: oh how sweet!what do you do? he:I'm a butcher
why can’t orphans work at S.C Johnson
Cause it’s a family Company
so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died... His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
Q.What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?
A. A seatbelt.
Me walking in to the office: Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was a end portal....
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know, homework.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A little kid was lost and he asked me to find his home, I love working at the orphanage
Why do cows wear bells? -- Because their horns don't work.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her "Don't worry I used to work with kids."
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
Why cant orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because its a family company...
Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it
Someone who was working in the tower must’ve put their phone on plane mode
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work
