Order

Order jokes

Blonde

    • A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

    She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

    She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

    The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

    The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

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    • Chili

    • A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.

    The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

    After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"

    The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."

    So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

    About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

    He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

    The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."

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    • Coming out

    • A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

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    • Order memes

    Schizophrenia

    • Symptoms of Schizophrenia

    The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

    Delusions

    Hallucinations

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    • King

    • A king ordered to execute a gay man.

    The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."

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    • Panda

    • A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

    Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

    The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

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    • Grip

    • Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!

    So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.

    Son

    • All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

    The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

    The man said, "My wife does!"

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