Work jokes
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
What do you get when you cross a lesbian that is a feminazi, a lesbian that is a progressive democrat, a promiscuous woman that is a lesbian prostitute working inside a lesbian brothel in San Francisco, California, and one of Jehovah's Witnesses?
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
Why did the astronaut return to Earth?
She went on her launch break! 🚀🥪😋
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
Why didn't Sally get home from work?
She got hit by a bus.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.