I have a really good construction joke : But I’m still working on it
When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
I saw a kid crying today and asked them where are your parents… God I love working at a Orphanage
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died… His version was to be called “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down on Me”…
*tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. i mean, there’s a skele-ton of em! you gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. besides, if ya don’t know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. did those tickle your funny bone? now i’ve been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. now if you hate all these, i won’t be bothered, i got thick skin! but first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. now, i gotta go to grillby’s. they got a discount on spare-ribs. bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
I work with animals!! What do you do? I’m a butcher
Yo mama’s so fat, she works in the movie theater as screen.
“wanna hear a construction joke” “yeah sure” “wait im still working on it”
Why do cows wear bells Because their horns don’t work
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
I saw a kid crying and I told him where are his parents?
God, I love working at orphanages
A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. “What is the matter with you?” the man thinks aloud. “Well, that’s how I was born, I’m actually a faulty parrot” says the bird. “Haha,” the man laughs, “it seems like that parrot understands what I’m saying and even answers!” “I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated,” says the bird. “Well, if you’re so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs.” “Well,” says the parrot, “it’s a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers.” “Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?” “Yes, yes,” replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. “Sorry, I can not afford that.” “Psst,” whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says “Pssssssssssst” while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. “I do not know if I should tell you this,” says the parrot, “but it’s about your wife and the postman.” “What!?” says the man. “Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth.” “And then,” the man hisses, “What happened then?” “Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere.” “My God,” says the now furious man, “And what else did they do?” “Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down.” “And then, what happened, what else did they do?” the man screams . “No idea,” says the papgaai, “I got a boner and thundered off my stick …”
Why does elephants never get rich? because they work for penuts!
My aunt worked as a human cannon ball
I’m not sure if she was good at it until she got fired
How come an orphan cant work for SC Johnson?
because it’s a family company.
I respect anyone who devotes there life to charity work
But I think Paul walker went a step to far
now you should let your imagination work … imagine naked Jesus with an direction… and nail holes in his hands …
“I work with animals” the man said to his date. his date said “I love a man who works with animals what job is it for the animal” “I am a butcher” said the man
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital. Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, “Are you the one taking care of my wife?” The doctor glanced away from his papers, “Yes, that would be me. But I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheel chair. Also, she can’t eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically ot will be like taking care of a big baby.” Shocked, the guys says, “Wait, if that’s the bad news, than what is the good news?” The doctor goes, “I’m just kidding with you, she died!”
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me!" god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"