Work Jokes

I got written up on 'Take Your Daughter To Work Day.' Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.

Bro you ever think while driving the moped why they call it footrest when foot never let it rest foot working harder than engine you push push but still go same speed like turtle with bad mood diring rabbit race...

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said “what happened to all the parents?” She sounded so confused so i told her “its only yours kid, they left you on purpose” she cried i felt bad for a second and the thought oh well time to back to my job at the orphanage

Some moving men had just begun their days work. The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch. The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

I got a job at the can factory but it is soda-pressing

I used to work for a company called 69, my friend took over my position.

He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do u call it life?

She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do u call it life?

Why does an orphan want to be a prostitute

Because they want to call someone daddy

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Why do cows wear bells

Because their horns don’t work

regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist

Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain

I was at school one day and my teacher gave me home work and once i got home i did not do my home work but i watched TV after movie i finally went to go do my home work i was almost done with my home work when i got to the last question i didnt know the answer so i asked the closest living being to me witch was my dog and i asked him: whats two minus two? he said nothing

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".

The bakery where I work is being robbed I said to the people I am calling the police then I realized they did not come for the money they came for the bread. Huh go figure.

Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo. KId: Why? Dad: I clean up animal s hit at a zoo.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So there was school shooting in Florida why didn't the shooter just go to Disney.......sorry i just work there and I'm trying to get people to come on down.