Work jokes

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!

On Christmas, Mexicans wake up in the morning, then take a nap.

Joking, I know they work hard. They run all the way to the border to decorate the barbed wire.

Why did the rapper become a plumber?

Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!

I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.

I C U P works on 88% of people.

"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."

What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?

They both don’t work.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.