Work jokes

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didn’t work... I guess the site crashed.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Kid: Dad, where do you work?

Dad: I.C.U.P.

Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."

Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.

Why did the rapper become a plumber?

Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!

You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

I C U P works on 88% of people.