Work jokes

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Why did the rapper become a plumber?

Because he wanted to lay down some SICK PIPES!

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didn’t work... I guess the site crashed.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.

Why are people so worked up about 9/11? They were just playing Jenga.

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

Why does the military pick orphans as fighter pilots?

Because homing missiles don't work on them.

Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

Kid: Dad, where do you work?

Dad: I.C.U.P.

Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."