Work jokes

A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."

How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?

Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.

I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says "WTF!"

Why is being an electrician the easiest job in the world? It's literally light work.

When you are stressing from homework, just do some skateboarding and kick butt.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

I've done a skele-TON of work to think of this joke. Trust me, I've got a FEW more jokes!

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."

You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

I tried to search stuff about 9/11 for a research project, but it didn’t work... I guess the site crashed.