Work jokes

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.

Did you hear about the delivery boy that worked for that Italian Restaurant down the street?

Yeah, he Pasta-Way.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?

You keep the tradition of hitting black things.

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Why did Daveon get fired from his job at the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Why did the frog take the bus to work?

His car got toad.

What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?

Crack/her

I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!

What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?

Panera Ned.

I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!

Bully 1 to Bully 2: You're ugly.

Bully 2: Look in a mirror.

Bully 1: Just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for everyone else.

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?

A: Because when you're there, you're family.