What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."
I lick poo for a living... You?
Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?
Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.
Interviewer: What are your strengths?
Interviewee: I fall in love easily.
Interviewer: And your weaknesses?
Interviewee: Those beautiful green eyes of yours...
My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Orphan: Can I go outside?
Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.
Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW
What's the difference between economy and Vietnamese?
Economy doesn't work.
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?
I am in trouble.
The Lenovo computers at school stopped working.
They had to call an archeologist.
Why are orphans unable to work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it’s a family business.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
