I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Robin: "The car's not working."
Batman: "Did you check the battery?"
Robin: "What's a tery?"
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Why do midgets work at Tesco?
Because every little helps.
Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
