Work jokes

How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.

I dunno man, worked for me.

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.

One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

How are Black people like communism?

Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.

Orphans don't have phones because the home button doesn't work.

I had some puns about construction, but I'm still working on them.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else…

What do you call a group of children who go on strike?

A minor's strike.

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"