Work jokes

When does a doctor get mad?

When he runs out of patients!

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

In honor of Diddy:

The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!

Why do trans women make the best golf course grounds staff?

They’re enthusiastic about getting rid of unwanted balls.

My boss had the heart of a child.

In a jar. On his desk.

How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.

It worked.

Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

IHOP.

Why do orphans work boomerangs?

Because it's the only thing that comes back.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!