Work jokes

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

How much work does a skeleton get done?

A SKELE-TON!

Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?

Because every little helps!

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!

I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?

A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."