Work jokes

Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.

Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?

Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.

Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.

The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.

Q: Why doesn't a skeleton mother drink water?

A: Because it gives her more work!

What day can you have sex on?

Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.

What kind of work from school can't orphans do?

Homework!

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?

She was fed up with the hole business.

Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?

Cause it’s a family business.

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Person one: Why did the boy go home?

Person two: Why?

Person one: Because he had PHOAM work to do!

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.