Work jokes

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

How much work does a skeleton get done?

A SKELE-TON!

How do you make a dishwasher work again?

Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?

Because every little helps!

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.