Wordplay jokes

Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?

He couldn’t stand anyone...

There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.

What do you call an orphan with a boner?

Porn.

What do you call a sad coffee?

Despesso.

- I think you're EGGcellent.

+ Wow... You really CRACK ME UP with that joke. I think you're a EGGxtraordinary comedian.

- Really? Are you done yet?.

+ Are you kidding? I have a DOZEN of them.

What do you call a black comedian?

Dark Humor.

American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"

Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

What was Jesus's favorite sport?

Lacrosse.

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

I have no eye deer!

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

What flowers are on your face?

What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!

The S in America stands for safe.