Wordplay jokes

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.

What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!

My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.

What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?

Roamin’ Numerals.

What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!

Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?

He won a no-bell prize.

So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"

Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"

What has two legs and is red all over?

Half a cat.

What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?

A cock sucker.

What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

Hi, my name's Dixy.

Dixy Normis.

What do you call a garage that is gay?

A gyarge.

What does “JETS” stand for?

Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.

What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.

Name an ant which is very heavy?

Eleph-ant.

Why did ze cow cross the road?

yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.