Wordplay jokes
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
What do you call an orphan that takes a selfie?
A family portrait.
What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.
Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
What do you call an Afghanistan person in a bath?
A bath bomb.
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
A fat person with autism is a bit like decent sunscreen... A broad spectrum.
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
"Did you go to the light show?"
"Yeah, it was lit."
What do you call a nazi that can’t see?
A nozi.
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
What is Hitler's least favorite month? Jewly.