I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
Spell Mississippi.
M-I-S-S-I-P-P~
Haha you said pp.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?
They get jalapeño business.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
Is it incest if it’s out in the open?
Or is it... outcest?
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dinosnore!
What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."
