Wordplay jokes
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting? Octopied.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
Krusty nut
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy!
BAHAHAHAHAH
Why does no one like Hitler when he goes to the movies?
Because he would count, "zehn, neun", and then it would all turn green.
What is a bald eagle's favorite dog breed?
A beagle!
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅
Do you know Putin?
Put in these balls in your mouth.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"
It's better to cum in the sink than to sink in the cum.
What do you call a lesbian vampire?
Cunt Dracula.
There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Bear.
Bear who?
Bear bum!
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What do you call a closet with two lesbians inside?
A liquor cabinet.