What feature does an orphan's phone not have?
A home button.
What's the best thing about abuse jokes? The punchline.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Do you think the founder of Dunlop was a retired tree surgeon or a hairdresser?
What do cows use to do their homework? A cowculator.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics that can fly?
Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
Person 2: OMg!
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The exylo-bone!
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
I’m friends with 25 letters. I don’t know y!
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
