Wordplay jokes
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?" -- "No-eye-deer."
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What has more letters than the alphabet? -- The post office.
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.