Women jokes
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
"Hippoty hoppity, women are property."
What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?
Cot death.
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.
Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have another pair of balls.
Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...
Bloody seamen.
Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?
Women were flying the plane.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
Why do women get periods?
Just cancel the subscription.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?
Something big and warm 🍆.
What does an orphan have in common with an 80-year-old woman? Their parents will never come back.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.