Women jokes
Look on the bright side, women: nothing says you're beautiful like being raped by a complete stranger.
Why was the 19th Amendment a major mistake?
Because it gave women the ability to dodge accountability.
Today a canvasser came to my door asking if I wanted to make a donation to protect women in the Congo.
I told her no.
The canvasser got a little upset with me and said, "Don't you know that the Congo is the rape capital of the world?"
"Then they should be used to it by now," I replied.
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have necks for grabbing, and holes to plug and unplug.
What do dogs and lesbian women have in common?
They're both lickers and called a bitch.
What is the best way to pick up a woman from the bar?
Spike her drink with roofies.
Why are women like parking spots?
Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.
Why is Ireland so gay?
Because the Brits stole all their women.
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.
What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.
Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.
What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
Why are hurricanes like women? Because they come into your life, take nearly everything, and leave.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.
Okay, guys. Today we're gonna read the Women's Rights of 1920...
Okay, thanks for watching!
What do Arby's and black women have in common? They both have the meats.
"I'd love to give everyone another shot."
Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.