Women jokes

I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.

Why are gay men better than straight women?

Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.

If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.

What has 2 arms but no legs?

A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.

97 percent of women...

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!

Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.

Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.

Why did the planes crash into the Twin Towers?

Women were flying the plane.

Bippity Boppity,

Women are property.

What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

Cot death.

Do you know how many women have been pope?

Nun.

There's only one gender. Women are property.

What is the reason for why women never look to the right?

Because they don't have any rights.

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.

Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have another pair of balls.

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.