Woman jokes

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

Women treat me like a god.

They ignore me till they need something.

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.

99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

Women's rights.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

Me: I got kicked out of the library the other day.

Friend: Why?

Me: Because I put the women rights book in the fiction section.

I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.

Ok, not really racist but still funny.

Someone asked me my gender... I said, "Woah, man."

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

Women.

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.