Woman jokes
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.
One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.
The man asked for some crack.
The woman turned around and said, "Here."
That's where the crack was, you guessed it.
The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.
What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?
Suck a big cock.
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?
Because they’ll get chapped lips.
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
What takes 10 parking spaces? Five women.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.