Woman jokes
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
What do a woman construction worker and a woman activist have in common?
They just stand there and hold the sign.
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.
When men watch football but not the women's version maybe there.
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."
Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???