Woman jokes
I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.
Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.
BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow lady?
Snowballs!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
You blow a kiss up.
Your eyes were bright up your ass.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.
“No, it’s curry this time.”
What do you call a thirsty girl?
An H2Hoe.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.
Man says, "What's Ligma?"
Woman says, "Ligma balls!"
Baby says nothing, she transgender.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.