What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?
Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.
Woman Jokes
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.
I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.
Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?
Exactly, cuz she's a woman.
What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
There is only one reason why I find women useful.
That is because they make sandwiches, but that is about it.
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
I was watching my daughter play at the park. A woman came up to me and asked which one was mine. I said I was still choosing.
Why did the woman get raped in the ass?
She assed for it.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.
BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?
