Woman jokes

Feminism.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

I like my women like I like my scotch:

12 years old and mixed with coke.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?

A belly button.

A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Yeah, so why can't a blind woman drive?

Exactly, cuz she's a woman.

A woman's age is harder to get than the President's phone number.

There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?

Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

I can't not believe you stupid fucks. This isn't funny. Just like a bunch of cunts not to believe there is nothing can't do.

BTW what do you call a manly woman's cunt? Nothing. Who gives a fuck?

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

What do you do if a woman is choking? Pull out a few inches.