Will jokes

What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?

A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.

Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"

When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.

Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?

A: Because it will eat your "aunts."

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.

What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table.

What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.