Will jokes
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"
When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?
A: Because it will eat your "aunts."
What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.