Will jokes

Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?

That I will never get old.

My will to live.

The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.

A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking.

I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.

Weedle will make you high.

Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.

Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"

Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"

Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."

What will Donald Trump build in our devices?

A firewall.

Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "uno, dos..." and poof! He disappears without a tres.

- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?

- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!

A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."

A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.

A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?

The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)