Fate jokes
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.
Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?
You have been visited by Leonard the all knowing. He shall decide your fate…
One day an orphan threw a boomerang. It's not the only thing that didn't come back.
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
When I was on the Titanic, I got broken.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."
My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!
Do you know why no one speaks about George Washington?
John Adams turned him into atoms. John Adams was an alien.
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
If you read this, your life is a joke.
I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Dead.