Wife jokes
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
Who is Stephen Hawking's wife?
The American Siri.
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
What cigarettes does Churchill's wife like to smoke?
Blue Winston.
Memes
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out of the window...
Ta kill her.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?
She lost her ass playing poker...
My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The guy behind the bar says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets!"