Wife Jokes

The other day my wife said "take me someplace I have never been before, I said why don't you try the kitchen! "

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse but I beat her to it

The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)

who is steven hawkings wife ? the American siri

i was digging in a garden once a found a chest full of gold i wanted to show my wife but then i thought why i was digging in the first place

The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, “The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis.” 🥰

What cigarettes Churchill's wife likes to smoke Blue Winston

I like my wife like I like my coffee. So sweet, it gives me headaches.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife then you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there

Farmer's Wife: Honey where are the cow's?

Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.

Farmer's Wife: Why?

I don't know but the stakes have never been higher.

A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, "her life."

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

My wifes always nagging me, you dont let me have any friends, i abuse her and im always coming back late, so i thought i would treat her, i popped up in the attick and introduced her to two women.

Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out of the window.....Ta kill ha

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?

She lost her ass playing poker...

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?

Nothing... she couldn't tell.

at my sample place i handed my wife a fork and i lost my job

My wife and I have been married over 30 years. But don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom. I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.