Whos jokes

What do you call a pig who does karate?

Pork chop!

It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.

Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."

"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?

Klaustrophobic.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Dishes."

"Dishes who?"

"Dishes a bad joke."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?

The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy.

Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?

A. Bisexual.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?

When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.

I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."

Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?

She said a monster attacked her.

Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.