New Whos Jokes

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

Let's try to get to either max likes or dislikes, your choice.

And duck jokes, who would win in a fight, a baby or a pacifist, presented by duck?

What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?

Consensual Rapper 7.

There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

Who was the most successful transgender and transracial person in history?

Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.

Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.

The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.

A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.

Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute.

She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office. The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.

He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."

Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms and she responds with “who the frick are you talking about, since I don’t know them I got a surprise for you” she wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled For Eugene

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.

Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?

Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!

What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.

When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”

"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”

“Where do you come from?"

"Rome."

“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”

To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"No, Rome, Italy, of course."

"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”

Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"

"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, never heard of him.”

Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"

"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"

"He says Rome, Italy."

"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"

How you guys not even know who did it? Hahahahaha.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise who gets their first Obviously the lesbian couple they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.