My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Whos Jokes
Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Gary. Gary who? Gary a torch.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?"
"Doctor Who."
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
