Mom asks “Who are you talking to?” The child said “A mistake.”
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito? He gets to tear that ass up one more time
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
I took an uber home the other day, and the basterd was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said "who the fuck taught you to drive"... To this he replied "Stevie Wonder".
Man: hey kids, who wants milk? Kids: Me! Man: *unzips fly*
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.
3 blonde girls are on an isalnd and they are much to far away from land to swim, they find a genie on the island who offers them each 1 wish the first girl says "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island" so the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island. The next girl says "I wish I was even smarter then her so I don't have to do so much manual labor" so she turns into a brunet and makes a sail boat and lets the wind take her off the island. The finale girl says "I wish I was smarter then both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
The teacher asks "who is a trump fan?" everyone in the class, wanting to be liked by their teacher all put their hands up, except for Little Johnny. The teacher asks "Little Johnny, why are you being different again?".Little Johnny says"Because i'm not a trump fan" The teacher asks "Why are you a trump fan?" and Little Johnny says "Because my dad's a democrat and my mum's a democrat so i'm a democrat" and then his teacher says "so if your dad was an idiot and you mum was a moron, what would that make you?" and Little Johnny replies "a trump fan"
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl Beyond belief her name was Rayne but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily- wait no that’s not right Sammy actually snuck in Raynes house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Or is she asking her son, “Do you know Newton?” The boy said, “No, I don’t know.” She said to him, “If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!!” The boy said, “Ok, do you know Ikhlod?” She said to him, “No, who is she?” He said to her, “If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her.” The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.
Why can't sally swing? Because she has no arms Knock knock, "who's there?", not sally
*new* Where did sally go when the bombs dropped? Everywhere
what do you call a down syndrome who graduated high school? impossible
I respect anyone who devotes there life to charity work
But I think Paul walker went a step to far
who killed hitler goes to heaven. *looks up* oh,never mind.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and can't use my phone in class? cows go moo
Knock knock Who’s there Ligma Ligma who Ligma balls
Joke 1# ' Knock Knock ' Whos there? ' Pastur ' Pastur who? ' Past ur bedtime '.
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momas so fat when she stepped on the weigh it said, " I asked for your weigh not you phone number. "
Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great t*ts and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."
