What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Whos Jokes
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?
Sally.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th grade. Which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?
The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
